Disclaimer: I am neither married nor do I have children. I was bored and thought I'd tease Denny's about their stupid Muppets commercial

Dear Barons of Bountiful Breakfasts,

First let me thank you for the years of delicious (and yet so reasonably priced!) dining experiences that my family and I have enjoyed. Denny's has been, or shall I say was, our favorite family dining restaurant for the last 10+ years. And so, it is because of that decade of excellence in both service and food quality that I feel compelled to at least mention why we will no longer be frequenting our local Denny's restaurant: the new Grand Slam breakfast television ads.

I really liked, maybe even loved, these creative and humorous spots at the start of the campaign. It tickled me pink to see Denny's give out-of-the-spotlight TV personalities of the past one more shot at the Big Time. I took a stroll down memory lane with the spots featuring the Jeffersons and the Seinfelds. It was as if those two superb sitcoms were still on the air (or at least not just in syndication).

But then, the Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy spots started to air. At first, I loved them too. As the father of five, I have been a big fan of Jim Henson's Muppets, especially enjoying them each time another one of my children discovered them for the first time. I could go on and on about the quality projects the Muppets have been involved with: Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, the various Muppet movies, Fraggle Rock (yeah!), The Dark Crystal, and so on. But, maybe that discussion is better suited for another missive.

What really started to sour me on the whole Denny's experience was when my wife Beverly (of the last 22 years) pointed out that Miss Piggy was ordering THREE whole Grand Slam meals. You see, our 4th child, Dennis, is only 11 years old and already weighs an unhealthy 198 pounds. We've tried everything with this lad from trying to get him a private nutritionist to enrolling him in various youth sports leagues, but he'd just rather sit around the house and play with his Play Station and watch television all day. He's probably the biggest Denny's fan in our household. In is very impressionable when it comes to commercials.

But, probably the straw that broke the camel's back was when, a few weeks later, our daughter, Mia (named after Mia Hamm!) came home from pre-school. It appears they just learned about animals and food that day. Anyway, after dinner, we were in the family room watching TV together (7th Heaven, maybe), and the commercial came on. All of a sudden Mia asked., "Daddy, why does Miss Piggy want to eat bacon if it comes from a pig?" And neither my wife nor myself could come up with an answer for her.

After she was in bed for the night my wife said to me, "Did you realize that Denny's was promoting cannibalism in other animals? If Mia could make that connection all by herself, do you think she could infer that cannibalism in humans would be OK, too?" It was a question that really made me have to think unpleasant thoughts that I wished not to have to ponder.

We have always tried to raise our children with the best of Christian values and we cannot tolerate those, who over the airwaves, wish to teach our kids that gluttony and cannibalism are acceptable values. And that is why I am regretfully writing to inform you that the Breer family will no longer be patronizing your establishment, but rather seeking out the nearest location of one of your competitors.

Todd Breer
St. Louis, MO

You, too, can contact Denny's on this page.